childhood memories.

when i was a kid, i used to hang out with my friends and play all sort of games. masak-masak, tikam selipar, kahwin putera puteri (i always become the puteri because of my two moles on my shoulder which symbolizes prettiness), jual nasi lemak, dolls, patung kertas (i loved this the most because i can design fancy dress for the naked patung kertas), lari pecut 1 lorong, baseball kampung and the list goes on. when i grew a lil bigger, i started to play basketball and acted like a tomboy. short hair, short pants with big T, dark skin and walked like a samseng 'kiak'. seriously! i even talked like one with lots of dirty words came out of the mouth. but that was back then.

i felt in 'love' with a samseng 'kiak' and i was pretty sure he felt the same way too. we talked on phone (not hp of course!) for hours but somehow our relationship did not went well because one of his friend apparently had a deep crush on me. oh screwed him! so that was back in 1999, after 1 year anniversary of my 1st menstrual period which marked my teenage hood.

i loved the feelings of being a kid, the innocent faces we had once, and the clean heart which feels instant guilt when we commit something wrong. as we grew bigger, the conscience is no longer crystal clear. we compromise with all sorts of sin and wrong-doings. what a pity right?

and i miss kissing my dad's cheek whenever he bought me presents. i miss cuddling in his arm. i miss going for picnic by the beach and go fishing with my dad. now that i've become a wife, i wonder if dad still sees me as his lil' daughter. the one who is spoil too much because of his love. i'm so sorry if i somehow had disappointed you dad. i'll try my best to take good care of myself and my family. you have nothing to worry because you had done everything a father would do for his daughter. everything so you don't have to blame yourself for anything. you are the image of the fatherly side of God. you might find it hard to express your feelings sometimes but deep down you love us bestest and widest. i just know that so you don't have to say a thing...

new beginning.

it is indeed a new beginning. as for the past, i pray that i can forget you in a blink of eye. let me not dwell in it and suffer with the heart pain. i pray for the new family that we are creating, be with us, never ever leave us and continue to guide us. make us stay faithful in You just like how You've been faithful to us all the while. make us not to see only on the weaknesses of our partner but accept them as who they are right now.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the sea.

best friends are meant to be together for eternity.

the title says it all. even if i'm happily married, pls worry not, we will stay close to each other. you are my special mate after all because we don't need to sign any damn document just to get our commitment shown to the world. love and friendship are there between us. for eternity.

only for women.

past hurts. it really does. whenever i think of the past the heart beats even faster because of the sudden rush of anger and sadness. when you are both angry and sad, then it shall be called disappointment. people do lie to keep a relationship runs smoothly. to make sure they don't fight and stay in peace with each other. but whatever it is, we need to move forward and accept everything as past. because you can't change the past but u can surely do something to avoid past from repeating itself.

i have a friend whom betrayed me by going out with my bf. but it's in the past so i can't do much about it. i prayed for strength to forgive them, to forgive her especially. it takes time of course it does. when time flies, we will get numb and bored with the pain and slowly move on. and i'm so thankful to have other friends to hear me out. and i cant ask for more because friends and families are the greatest gift from God. the best gift is of course to have another life breathing in your womb. *(:*

i'm writing this to all the women out there. stay strong in whatever condition. because God had created us with tears which made us stronger emotionally and mentally. we might be seen weak physically, but remember gentlemen will not harm you physically. those who hurt women physically are simply 'si si'.

so Happy International Women's Day to all women!

self-explanatory

i hope this post is self explanatory.

no i'm not mad at anyone. i'm just bored. two weeks of holidays with no outcome. struggling with the laziness ain't easy at all. now i'm so used to the term janji melayu. i'm so sorry for not being punctual when time matters the most for most of us. there are so many regrets in me right now. i wish i could turn back time and correct my wrong doings. now i have to learn not to rush things up. 1 step at a time and not to put too much hope on actions which of course were done to give us results.

i'm working real hard here baby. now make sure you'll be good. not too much hope and pressure there right baby? (: