Role model.

I'm that type of person who don't forget easily. especially when someone breaks my heart and my trust. they can wish me well with my life not knowing deep down the scar they left me with is beyond amendment. and I am that type of stubborn bitch who are willing to lose everything to win a thing. and the feeling of winning is like heaven slow to know what I've lose will soon make my heart broken, again. that's why forgiving someone seems to be so hard to be implemented in my daily life. I can talk about them 24/7 without realising by doing so I'm forcing my mind to keep on thinking about the pain instead of focusing on other things which can ease away the pain. Now, being a mother I want to be the best example for my child (or children coming soon!). instead of cursing when careless drivers who fail to put on their signal when making a turn, I want to be someone who think positive of them i.e. oh they must be like me who have baby shouting behind and somewhat forget to put on signal. I want to be a cool mother who don't complain much about daily life and just stay tough even when I'm literally drained off (this I must admit I deserve an F because I've complained so much, too much! uhuk!). I really salute my mom who is able to wake up early morning and be the last person to sleep to keep the house tidy and clean as possible. there is not once the plates were left overnight in the sink (unless the kutus malam come out cook supper for themselves). that is how strong and mighty is my mom. Going back to forgiving and forgetting, I really wanted that peace of mind where I can really really forgive and let go. sometimes deep down I 'curse' them not to have the happiness that they wanted to have since they had tried to take away mine. but this is no good and shame to me because I might just raise a kid who hold grudge against me, the parent, if somewhat I fail to be a good mother to them. oh this is so sad I must transform right away!! uh-oh! dear child/children, mama will never ever give up in becoming the best mom on earth. believe me and please, too, don't give up on me. love, Mama.