Goodbye MH17.

22.08.14 - Malaysia berkabung.

Harta Dunia, Akhirat.
kalau mati itu diiringi sepanduk bagai, apa kita akan lari ke arahnya atau bersembunyi agar tidak didatangi?
kalau kita tahu cara kita mati, apa akan kita duduk dgn rokok di jari sambil mengenang nasib diri?
kalau mati itu pasti, kenapa kita masih di sini mengejar dunia tanpa henti?

dunia ini hanya sementara, buat kita kumpul pahala,
yg dikejar bukan duit, bukan harta,
tapi bekalan buat berjumpa,
dengan Dia, Sang Pencipta,
seluruh alam, seluruh semesta.

Allahu Rabbi, la sharika lah.

Keikhlasan.

Today is the 163th day I've put on hijab. Belum sempurna tapi cuba untuk sempurna. Masa awal-awal ada yang bertanya sejak bila berhijab, saya jawab "baru hari ke 23 (dgn nada yg sgt excited)." Dia jawab "Siap kira hari (dgn nada sinis)." Mula-mula terasa hati, tapi kalau terasa hati maksudnya manusia yg aku cuba pikat, bukan Allah, pencipta alam dan semesta. Kalau mudah sgt terasa hati maksudnya kita sombong dan tak ingat diri.

Benih baru nak bangkit, kena siram dan baja. Hati yang baru nak bangkit, kena disiram dengan apa? - Hlovate.

Ada juga yang tegur, belajar agama tak payah tinggi-tinggi, takut nanti bingung sendiri. Aku tersentap, mula-mula tak paham apa yg cuba disampaikan. Tapi aku cuba positif, barangkali dia risau aku sesat, takut aku taksub, takut nanti aku bawa anak-anak ke medan tempur.

Being a revert is not easy. Aku masih belajar, jadi yg terbaik yang saya mampu, yg wajib aku baiki agar sempurna, yg sunat aku cuba perbanyakkan dan istiqomah. Mati itu pasti. Tp kenapa kita masih terkejut apabila orang sekeliling kita pergi? Apa kita lupa mati itu bila-bila?

Masa awal-awal cuba hafal alif ba ta, selalu sgt nangis aku rasa ingin putus asa. Aku tak biasa tgk huruf-huruf hijaiyah, jadi aku tulis setiap huruf sampai penuh satu muka macam budak tadika, kalau kira umur aku rasanya baru pra-tadika kot! Tapi hakikatnya, umur ku sudah tua. Aku risau nanti aku sunyi duduk dalam liang lahad kerana tak pernah mengaji. Mulut tak erti berzikir kerana lidah kelu tak pernah dipraktikkan masa nyawa masih dikandung badan.

Kita hidup utk akhirat. Stp perkara kita buat ingat akhirat. Takutnya aku pada azab kubur pada api neraka. Takutnya aku kalau aku tidak sempat berubah, risau neraca berat ke dosa. Pahalanya langsung tiada nilai.

Untungnya mereka yg Islam dari lahir. Pahala mereka sudah semestinya banyak. Tidak perlu risau bila melambatkan solat. Tidak perlu risau sunyi dalam liang lahad, kerana masa kecik-kecik lagi sudah banyak mengaji.

Ikhlas tuh bukan kita yang ukur, tu biar Allah yang tentukan. Jangan sampai kita tinggalkan amal ibadat sebab tak nak riak dgn manusia, kerana tu la tanda kita riak dengan Allah. - Hlovate.

Sophie.

I have a two-year old daughter named Nur Sophie Hanaa whom we called Sophie or Sopi (with high pitch at the end when she refused to listen to us).

She's independent and tough. Cry just to attract attention but she can do everything on her own, especially in entertaining herself. I'm so proud of you, Sophie. You are the reason why I'm still here, fighting.

Bacaan Doa Berlindung Dari Musibah Berat

“Allaahumma innii a’uuzubika min jahdil balaa’i wa darakisy syaqaa’i wa suu ‘il qadaa’i wa syamaatatil a’da ‘i”

“Ya Allah, aku berlindung kepada-Mu dari musibah yang berat, celaka yang menimpa, keputusan (qada) yang buruk, dan kejahatan para musuh. (H.R. Bukhari)”

perfection.

nothing is perfect. and today the imperfection makes me cry. i just can't be perfect and i can't have that perfectness which i long for. why is it have to be that way? this is frustrating and hurtful and i can't stop crying. dear baby, pls be perfectly healthy. i've loved you. love, mama.

101.

they say 101 means eternity. so for this 101th post, i would like to pray for everlasting love among us.

may future be bright for us, may love bind us together till the very end.

and his name is sheldon cooper.

last night was a chaos. and the dream was even worse!

i dream of giving birth to a baby weighing 4.88 kg. tall n thin and can talk! and his face was exactly like...

too much of The Big Bang Theory marathon i guess.

Dear God, give me strength to overcome anything and everything. i won't give up so easily.
i can do everything through You who gives me strength.

the chief of heroes.

on this special day, this special post is dedicated to my adorable daddy.

during my Sunday School year, we were taught how to make cards for our dad for father's day. i remembered there was once when our Sunday School teacher taught us the meaning of adorable so that we can write it in our cards. She told my dad is adorable. so i should write "to my adorable daddy, happy father's day". however at that age my adjectives were limited between ugly and pretty. never had i came across with the word adorable. then the teacher explained to me "well your dad is not handsome, but he's not ugly either, so he's adorable! " so that's how i learnt the meaning of adorable. (:

but today is not father's day. it's my dad's birthday. i couldn't thank him more for giving me everything that i had achieved today. his contribution is sky-high and can never be repaid. and today, he gave me this special verse which i will never ever forget.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

i couldn't continue writing, the tears just can't stop flowing. i will always be your lil girl, dad. and i love u. u know i do.
muzium sarawak, kuching

who do you think you are?

not im not mad at all. it's a verse in a song titled jar of hearts. so whenever someone's making fun of you, ask them who do you think you are?

the heart belongs to you. only you. take good care of it. never ever let shitty things spoilt your mood. do anything and everything which can enlighten the heart. give it some therapy by reading God's word. because we human does not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.

i feel better now. because You are here with me. in me. and i couldn't ask for more. (:

good night peeps! til then take care.

magic.

i love watching grey's anatomy. although i have no knowledge at all in anatomy. but i love the story line. and there was this 1 particular episode from season 6 where a premature baby was born and almost lost her life. the doctor pulled out the life support system as they thought the baby will never make it. but surprisingly she did. alex took her and embraced her by putting her close to his heart. the baby's heart beat gradually picked up and finally she could breathe normally. see how a baby is link to another person to survive? a baby inside the womb enjoys the sound of the empty stomach of her mom. she has her mom's heart beat as lullaby. her mom heart beat would tell her everything will be fine and she has nothing to be worried about. they are fragile creature who recover fast and survive worst. sometimes medicine could not heal every illness. but human touch does. and at times it's not because of someone's character which make him strong but his faith does and the word of God strengthen him.

so whenever you feel weak and helpless, remember there is someone who will never abandon you.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
have a lil' faith and never ever lose hope!

sleepless night.

bad dreams, bad dreams go away,
good dreams, good dreams here to stay.

bad dreams, bad dreams go away,
good dreams, good dreams here to stay.

bad dreams, bad dreams go away,
good dreams, good dreams here to stay.

new beginning.

it is indeed a new beginning. as for the past, i pray that i can forget you in a blink of eye. let me not dwell in it and suffer with the heart pain. i pray for the new family that we are creating, be with us, never ever leave us and continue to guide us. make us stay faithful in You just like how You've been faithful to us all the while. make us not to see only on the weaknesses of our partner but accept them as who they are right now.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the sea.

self-explanatory

i hope this post is self explanatory.

no i'm not mad at anyone. i'm just bored. two weeks of holidays with no outcome. struggling with the laziness ain't easy at all. now i'm so used to the term janji melayu. i'm so sorry for not being punctual when time matters the most for most of us. there are so many regrets in me right now. i wish i could turn back time and correct my wrong doings. now i have to learn not to rush things up. 1 step at a time and not to put too much hope on actions which of course were done to give us results.

i'm working real hard here baby. now make sure you'll be good. not too much hope and pressure there right baby? (:

CNY !

chinese new year is just around the corner. to all the rabbits out there, i pray all of us (of course including me !) to succeed in our lives, to prosper remarkably and become more fruitful each and every day. :D

forte.

i was walking out from the instrument workshop with my boss after a cold and result-less meeting yesterday when suddenly a man whom i should describe as old and selekeh based on my first glance came toward us and offered his hand for a shake.

i just smiled and assumed he's just another friend of my boss. as they talked then i saw his name tag. it was my SV for goodness sake and i did not realize it was him ! he became so thin and his skin is burnt due to the chemo he has to go through due to his cancer. and during that instance tears rolled down by my cheek.

he seemed so strong as if as nothing had ever happened to him. he tried to talk with all might as the cancer had literally taken away the loud voice he used to have. all i can said to him was: pak cik! mek x pasan ya kitak tek eh. sowie~. and he smiled back. i believe no one will ever recognize it's him if he ever pass by them. but he is still the same man who smile with his crooked teeth and fight real hard to live longer.

i pray for courage and strength to always be in you throughout this period of hardship. God's will, you will able to beat the cancer. God's will, everything will be painless for you. God's will, everything will be fine and you will have nothing to be worried about. God's will, you will gain back the pounds that you had lost. and by God's will, you will stay healthy and happy beside your loved ones.

grant me a wish oh dear you almighty

i wish to grow wiser each and everyday.

pour me some of your enormous knowledge.