childhood memories.

when i was a kid, i used to hang out with my friends and play all sort of games. masak-masak, tikam selipar, kahwin putera puteri (i always become the puteri because of my two moles on my shoulder which symbolizes prettiness), jual nasi lemak, dolls, patung kertas (i loved this the most because i can design fancy dress for the naked patung kertas), lari pecut 1 lorong, baseball kampung and the list goes on. when i grew a lil bigger, i started to play basketball and acted like a tomboy. short hair, short pants with big T, dark skin and walked like a samseng 'kiak'. seriously! i even talked like one with lots of dirty words came out of the mouth. but that was back then.

i felt in 'love' with a samseng 'kiak' and i was pretty sure he felt the same way too. we talked on phone (not hp of course!) for hours but somehow our relationship did not went well because one of his friend apparently had a deep crush on me. oh screwed him! so that was back in 1999, after 1 year anniversary of my 1st menstrual period which marked my teenage hood.

i loved the feelings of being a kid, the innocent faces we had once, and the clean heart which feels instant guilt when we commit something wrong. as we grew bigger, the conscience is no longer crystal clear. we compromise with all sorts of sin and wrong-doings. what a pity right?

and i miss kissing my dad's cheek whenever he bought me presents. i miss cuddling in his arm. i miss going for picnic by the beach and go fishing with my dad. now that i've become a wife, i wonder if dad still sees me as his lil' daughter. the one who is spoil too much because of his love. i'm so sorry if i somehow had disappointed you dad. i'll try my best to take good care of myself and my family. you have nothing to worry because you had done everything a father would do for his daughter. everything so you don't have to blame yourself for anything. you are the image of the fatherly side of God. you might find it hard to express your feelings sometimes but deep down you love us bestest and widest. i just know that so you don't have to say a thing...

a tomboy was me.

when i was still in primary school, i used to kutuk kutuk those seniors who had the seat in the bus and talked about guys non stop and ignoring we the smaller ones who had to stand and smelled each other in that crowded bus. of course they were those with light blue uniforms and i was in my dark blue uniform. and of course i didn't know what was the feelings of having a crush on someone back then. i was a tomboy who wore big t-shirt and tracksuit to almost everywhere. yeah even to the church where i supposed to present myself pleasantly in His presence. that was me last time. my mother even found it hard to put me on a proper dress. she even made me a blue baju kurung (blue is one of my fav colour !) so that i can wear it to the church. then one day it happened when i suddenly bleed through my nose when my mother keep nagging me to wear the baju kurung. since then my mom never complain about my dress code. i'm so sorry mama, you know how hard-headed i was right ?

and now at this age, all i could ever think of is this guy whom i call kesayangan. this is how it feels to be a grown up. i can sit here and talk about him all day long and ignore other people like they never exist. aha now i understand why ! :D

long hair and skinny

i miss being the little me. i was so skinny that my mom started to worry and consulted a doctor if it was possible i had worms as my kekasihs gelap and hid it inside my stomach. and i miss having my long hair to cover my face whenever i was sleeping.

on top of all, i miss the feeling being problem-free. i don't want to grow any older than this. cause tomorrow's a worry for me.