A bouquet of tulip.

I love flowers especially tulips. I find them timid yet beautiful. When I was 'younger', I used to cut out the image of tulips from tissue boxes and made them into bookmark, birthday card etc. I'm no creative people so my handcrafts were ugly. Even my handwriting is ugly.

And so today I pray for a bouquet of tulip flowers. Just to make me feel that I'm appreciated. Just to make me know they care. And to let me know that out there, there is someone reading this post.

Tulip cultivation farm, Netherlands

perfection.

nothing is perfect. and today the imperfection makes me cry. i just can't be perfect and i can't have that perfectness which i long for. why is it have to be that way? this is frustrating and hurtful and i can't stop crying. dear baby, pls be perfectly healthy. i've loved you. love, mama.

my wedding.

this time i would to share about my wedding. no fancy stuff just the wajib stuff. hihi.

my wedding was the simpliest wedding i would say. there was no celebration and attended by a friend, my mom, my aunt and my lil bro. that was it. the akad nikah was held at JAIS bintulu office. but my mas kahwin was quite high to compensate the zero hantaran perhaps. there was no hantaran because it was not my parents' culture to ask for things in exchange for their daughter. and my dad was against it at that time. huhu. thank goodness my mom was there to make sure i went through all the brick walls. and it was not easy.
when tha day came, everything was smooth except for the lafazing part. both of our names were very hard to pronounce the juru nikah had to rehearse again and again to get our names right. but it was fun. with the wet palm, the nervousness, the wrong pronounciation of names where we had to go through the lafaz part 3 times if im not mistaken. we bought 2 set of secret recipe cakes all the way from miri in return of their favour. our wedding belanja is as below:
1. kain baju kurung n baju melayu (no fancy2)
2. secret recipe cake
3. air kotak
4. upah juru nikah and 3 witnesses
5. mas kahwin

that was it. simple right? the honeymoon part was even more fun ye! hoho..
ok i have nothing say oledi. til we meet again mate!

pretty.

smiling to strangers can really make your day. especially when the strangers smile back instead of replying it with eh-do-i-know-this-beautiful-girl look. and today I smiled to a stranger and felt so good.

so smile, and the world will smile back to you. selamat hari kekasih.

101.

they say 101 means eternity. so for this 101th post, i would like to pray for everlasting love among us.

may future be bright for us, may love bind us together till the very end.

ring ring!

i wish i can have 48 hours per day. or maybe less hour of working. instead of the regular 8 hours per day why not we, the mother especially, only need to work for 4 hours. if there is urgent matter we can simply settle them from home instead of going to the office. how fun is that?

oh btw, it was the 24th 28 yesterday and i got a ring (again). =D well women love jewellery, don't we?


sigh. i miss my baby. today she woke up at 5 in the morning and gave me a toothless smile. and a smelly pampers. poo poo liaw.

cinta hatiku.

ini lah kesayangan hatiku. love!

windmill.

the movements are entertaining. so entertaining you would laugh even when you are watching 1 litre of tears. and she's so lovable i will never ever let her go.

the chief of heroes.

on this special day, this special post is dedicated to my adorable daddy.

during my Sunday School year, we were taught how to make cards for our dad for father's day. i remembered there was once when our Sunday School teacher taught us the meaning of adorable so that we can write it in our cards. She told my dad is adorable. so i should write "to my adorable daddy, happy father's day". however at that age my adjectives were limited between ugly and pretty. never had i came across with the word adorable. then the teacher explained to me "well your dad is not handsome, but he's not ugly either, so he's adorable! " so that's how i learnt the meaning of adorable. (:

but today is not father's day. it's my dad's birthday. i couldn't thank him more for giving me everything that i had achieved today. his contribution is sky-high and can never be repaid. and today, he gave me this special verse which i will never ever forget.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

i couldn't continue writing, the tears just can't stop flowing. i will always be your lil girl, dad. and i love u. u know i do.
muzium sarawak, kuching

forever.

i've been drafting few posts lately but decided not to post them just because. no reason. my mind is empty, so do my post. there are all empty.

i hope this song soothes your soul. like what it currently does to mine. now lets breathe in and exhale. shuuh u anxiety. shuuh u negative thoughts. i just want to be loved. ):

scale.

i'm gaining weight. i know it's normal to gain weight especially when you are pregnant. and being fat at certain area makes you look even hotter! agree not? :p but looking at the scale scares me. when it hits 50ish kg i feel choke. and when it strikes 60ish kg i barely breathe. baby, when you are out for good, you are going to bring me for intense work-out. oh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you.

oh i still can't forget the feelings of being disappointed by my friend. T_T i really had tried to move on and forget about what had happened. sigh! of course i still care for you. hope you are doing great out there. hope that you don't cry yourself to sleep and not having terrible break-out when you are sad.

creeping.

i don't feel like talking to anyone right now. i feel like running and let the wind touches my skin and take away my anxiety. but i can't run like i used to run before. just can't afford losing him/her at this moment. i've started to love and make him/her apart of me right now. (:


dear you,

i love u tenderly. more than anyone else right now and i would move the moon for you if i could. if you are going to read this one day, in whatever condition or state we are (we might just had an argument regarding God-knows-what topic, we might be so far away from each other since your dad n i might send you to boarding school and have you wash your own clothes etc.) pls remember, you will always be part of me, and you will always be my reason to cherish this life even more.

love,
mama xoxo.

rain.

i love watching rain drops on the leaves when it rains. it makes me realize no matter how high we climb, gravity will still be there sucking us down. no, i'm not saying this negatively. but it's good not be too comfortable with where you are standing right? just a self-reminder by the way.

tonight i'll be alone. not that i'm not used to be alone, but tonight i'm so going to be alone.

p/s: wish u were here.

mommy!

when people talk about mother, the first thing that came across my mind is love. because mother is synonym to love. and a mother can never be a mother without love. everything a mother does for her children is because of love. and that love came from God which remains forever despite anything.

being away for about 200km from my mom is saddening. i miss her every now and then. came back from work with no food serve on the table make things even worse. oh the tears just cant stop falling. i wonder if mom feels the same way too since she enjoys cooking for the food-craver me, kan?

oh mummy!! happy mother's day to you! may God bless you always and give you the best state of health because that's what you need the most right now. thank you for everything mummy. i wish i can be as strong as you are, be as big-hearted as you are, be as cheerful as you are, cook as expert as you are, and stay calm in every situation as you are. can't wait to see you soon! (:

what are words?

special song sang by Chris Medina for his special someone. love and faith create miracles.

kelegaan.

i feel sudden relieve now i could inhaleeee then exhaleeeeeee and repeat it again n again.

p/s: 9 days before his birthday. (:

who do you think you are?

not im not mad at all. it's a verse in a song titled jar of hearts. so whenever someone's making fun of you, ask them who do you think you are?

the heart belongs to you. only you. take good care of it. never ever let shitty things spoilt your mood. do anything and everything which can enlighten the heart. give it some therapy by reading God's word. because we human does not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.

i feel better now. because You are here with me. in me. and i couldn't ask for more. (:

good night peeps! til then take care.

upin ipin!

my lil' bro adores upin & ipin so much. and he has quite a big cds collection of upin & ipin. he could play them again and again and never feel bored laughing at the same joke. betul betul betul! ^_^

i miss being the younger me. really really do.

magic.

i love watching grey's anatomy. although i have no knowledge at all in anatomy. but i love the story line. and there was this 1 particular episode from season 6 where a premature baby was born and almost lost her life. the doctor pulled out the life support system as they thought the baby will never make it. but surprisingly she did. alex took her and embraced her by putting her close to his heart. the baby's heart beat gradually picked up and finally she could breathe normally. see how a baby is link to another person to survive? a baby inside the womb enjoys the sound of the empty stomach of her mom. she has her mom's heart beat as lullaby. her mom heart beat would tell her everything will be fine and she has nothing to be worried about. they are fragile creature who recover fast and survive worst. sometimes medicine could not heal every illness. but human touch does. and at times it's not because of someone's character which make him strong but his faith does and the word of God strengthen him.

so whenever you feel weak and helpless, remember there is someone who will never abandon you.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
have a lil' faith and never ever lose hope!

happy birthday, mom!

i purposely set the post date and time for this entry. just to make it special for that someone special. it's my mother, Ms Lahung Jok and she's 47 this year! this year is certainly a special year for her as she had got the title 'grandma' or in kayan 'pui doh' when my sis-in-law gave her a beautiful lil' granddaughter. we are all amazed by the beauty of this special lil' baby. her specialty in putting her mouth in many kind of shape bring lots of laughter and joy to the house. and my mom adores the baby the most. another one coming soon i pray. insya allah! (:

for you, mom. let me pray in bm ya!

aku doakan untuk kesihatan mu, agar kamu sentiasa sihat tubuh badan dan senyuman mu akan selalu terukir melihat setiap ahli keluarga mu berkumpul sekeliling mu. dan apabila kami di dalam fikiran mu juga.
aku doakan untuk kesenangan hidup mu, di dunia dan juga di akhirat. semoga Tuhan bersama mu sentiasa kerna kamu la ibu yg paling mulia. yang suda berkorban segala-gala nya untuk kami. all the white lies you had to say to cover for us, biar kami yg tanggung semua nya kerna kamu sesungguhnya sudah berkorban hidup mu untuk kegembiraan kami.
aku doakan agar kamu peroleh kegembiraan di dalam kami. aku minta maaf kerana aku telah banyak membuat kamu menangis, bersedih dan bersusah hati. i'll become a better person for you, mom. i will never quit to improve myself. trust me!
aku doakan your heart will stay young as always. cheerful as always because that's what makes you my mom. despite all the problems, you are always positive and laugh like no one hears you. i'm so proud to have you as my mother!
i pray that i can always have a big heart like you, mom. to give cheerfully and not to look at what we are lack of.

and this prayer is for you my dearest mom. terima kasih ibu!