my dad.

i'm waiting for dad to fetch me back at this moment. it feels like old days when i used to wait for dad outside of the MLNG gate alone with my hp. yeah sometimes, there were friends around to accompany me. there was once when i'd waited for my dad like crazy 1 hour. when he reached the gate i was mad like a cow. then i asked him if i could drive cause i seriously tired of sitting doing nothing. i didn't own any fancy gadget like ipod touch which can keep me accompanied that time. n i was too shy to listen to my ipod nano like i was some kind of cool 'guy' from the block. my dad of course had no other option and there he went to the passenger side and fasten on his belt.
i was mad that time. really really mad. and i drove like 140km/h (that was considered 'high-speed' for me as i was still having my P license). my dad kept his mouth shut and didn't even dare to ask me to slow down the car. with that speed i was driving, my heart grew hotter and when it reached a junction the car literally skidded and whoop! it was slanting like about 25 degrees off the ground. so my dad was like whoa! can you please slow this damn car, i am an old man you know! my heart laughed in mild satisfaction.
i guess dad's hot blood is in me. after all i grew up a lil bit like him, the eyes, the ears, the mouth and mini bone structure we both have. and deep inside his heart, i know i am the girl he cares and loves so much.
how can i be sure of that? i am dad's lil girl, so how do i not know? *(:*

mental.

there are things in the past which we long for. those caress touch and soul-soothing words. those empty mind we have when the school break has started. the joy we felt when the clock striked at 5 and friends were waiting outside of the house to play together. but things started to change as we grew older, the mind starts to search for things to worry about and it keeps telling the soul not to be too fragile. why is it so? because as we grow older, we will start to realise how small crack can lead to a disaster. the mind is strong enough to handle those nonsenses but not the soul. the soul will cry out for mercy. it aches and constantly gets hurt by almost everything. even if you try to hide it and cover it up by wearing barney's jumpsuit - it's like hye! look at me i am so damn happy that my body turns purple and i can't stop singing!

to you, have some self-pity and stop ruining your future just because you are too lazy to care much about it.

doesn't make sense kn? but who cares anyway?

yeah u suck big time!

ok rimas. sangat sangat i don't even know why. i need fresh air.

happy birthday, mom!

i purposely set the post date and time for this entry. just to make it special for that someone special. it's my mother, Ms Lahung Jok and she's 47 this year! this year is certainly a special year for her as she had got the title 'grandma' or in kayan 'pui doh' when my sis-in-law gave her a beautiful lil' granddaughter. we are all amazed by the beauty of this special lil' baby. her specialty in putting her mouth in many kind of shape bring lots of laughter and joy to the house. and my mom adores the baby the most. another one coming soon i pray. insya allah! (:

for you, mom. let me pray in bm ya!

aku doakan untuk kesihatan mu, agar kamu sentiasa sihat tubuh badan dan senyuman mu akan selalu terukir melihat setiap ahli keluarga mu berkumpul sekeliling mu. dan apabila kami di dalam fikiran mu juga.
aku doakan untuk kesenangan hidup mu, di dunia dan juga di akhirat. semoga Tuhan bersama mu sentiasa kerna kamu la ibu yg paling mulia. yang suda berkorban segala-gala nya untuk kami. all the white lies you had to say to cover for us, biar kami yg tanggung semua nya kerna kamu sesungguhnya sudah berkorban hidup mu untuk kegembiraan kami.
aku doakan agar kamu peroleh kegembiraan di dalam kami. aku minta maaf kerana aku telah banyak membuat kamu menangis, bersedih dan bersusah hati. i'll become a better person for you, mom. i will never quit to improve myself. trust me!
aku doakan your heart will stay young as always. cheerful as always because that's what makes you my mom. despite all the problems, you are always positive and laugh like no one hears you. i'm so proud to have you as my mother!
i pray that i can always have a big heart like you, mom. to give cheerfully and not to look at what we are lack of.

and this prayer is for you my dearest mom. terima kasih ibu!

winter breeze.

at this very moment, i wish i can have a walk by the beach and smell those fresh air. smell and smell them til all the worries buzz away. being a grown-up woman is not easy at all. i guess it's time for me to pack my running shoe and start running again. i'll miss this year KL marathon (as if as i've joined any before, LOL!). it was one of my new year resolution tho. too bad i have to keep it aside first.

oh by the way, i had a weird dream last night. eh no no! it was a scary dream and was not weird at all! it was a nightmare! i promise i will not (or at least i try not to) to fight or quarrel with anyone and not make up with them before i go to sleep. i'm so scared of having nightmares again, especially when it involves my loved ones. so shuuh you away nightmares! i hate you!

but wait a minute! they said nightmares are the best training ground for you to face your fear.. nah! i still don't want any of them. krukkruk.