CNY !

chinese new year is just around the corner. to all the rabbits out there, i pray all of us (of course including me !) to succeed in our lives, to prosper remarkably and become more fruitful each and every day. :D

forte.

i was walking out from the instrument workshop with my boss after a cold and result-less meeting yesterday when suddenly a man whom i should describe as old and selekeh based on my first glance came toward us and offered his hand for a shake.

i just smiled and assumed he's just another friend of my boss. as they talked then i saw his name tag. it was my SV for goodness sake and i did not realize it was him ! he became so thin and his skin is burnt due to the chemo he has to go through due to his cancer. and during that instance tears rolled down by my cheek.

he seemed so strong as if as nothing had ever happened to him. he tried to talk with all might as the cancer had literally taken away the loud voice he used to have. all i can said to him was: pak cik! mek x pasan ya kitak tek eh. sowie~. and he smiled back. i believe no one will ever recognize it's him if he ever pass by them. but he is still the same man who smile with his crooked teeth and fight real hard to live longer.

i pray for courage and strength to always be in you throughout this period of hardship. God's will, you will able to beat the cancer. God's will, everything will be painless for you. God's will, everything will be fine and you will have nothing to be worried about. God's will, you will gain back the pounds that you had lost. and by God's will, you will stay healthy and happy beside your loved ones.

kamek sayang kitak.

i never really fancy local music. but this song makes me wild. :D as a sarawakian, i'm so proud of him! (:

buttons.

i wish i have the fast-forward and reverse buttons in life. whenever i'm uncertain with my decisions i could simply press the fast-forward button and examine the results. if i'm not satisfied with it then this is where the reverse button plays it role. urgh how i wish~ ):

why do i care so much about life ? can i just live my life and not give a damn about things that can be a burden to the brain system ? i hate the past. a lot it can kill the my human senses. i wish i can have my reverse button right now and change the path the way it should be. experience ain't teaching me anything because i will never have enough of it. loving someone who refuse to be loved is a waste of time because they will never understand the feelings of being loved n loved.

p/s: dear you, i'm so sorry for everything. for everything that we've been through, the love you've shared, the continuous care, for always being there. i really do appreciate them. please do take care.

boiling soup.

i really hate this state i'm currently in right now. everything seems not right and i feel like crying. maybe i need to go to bed early tonight and have some rest. it's the PMS. hate!

i'm pretty, so do u. (:

this i heart!

Fuckin' Perfect by P!nk

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You're f*ckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me...

part time babeh

tonight's class will be the last class of the semester. i've been teaching the 'kids' for 4 months and it was indeed a tiring job. i've become older by 5.78 years for God's sake. ngehhs. i guess it's time to say goodbye. i will surely be strict for your final paper. wish u luck. pfft !

maybe i need to stop writing short posts. sigh. this is so annoying !

random fact #38

if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what.

semangat!

haik! i must not cry myself to sleep tonight. nite peeps!

joyous moment.

can't wait for the day to come.

oh check out this website KL MARATHON. have you register yet?

hope to have the utmost fitness for that day. (: i am so gonna run till my heart comes out. hope to see you guys there. let's run the race together!

jog!

i'm going to jog! one of my friend told me to think of something stressful when i run to produce the adrenaline. yeah it's Daniel Yeo Ham Sap who told me that. LOL!

tet tet. bubhyee.

stewpid.

i can feel my blood pressure is rising up. my hands are shaking too. please give me strength to go through this once. pick me up and let's fly over this ocean of sorrow.

work !

draw a map, find a path, take a breath and run !

don't stop, not till u reach your destination !

adapting.

i'm going to end today with a smile. i will surely make it through.

oh i'm so thankful for my friends ! LOVE and lotsa KISSES !

note to self

this is the stage of life where you need to decide for your future. stop wasting time and get things moving. you will lose everything if you don't handle them carefully. so be bold and ignore those nonsense and self-destructing voices in your head.

a tomboy was me.

when i was still in primary school, i used to kutuk kutuk those seniors who had the seat in the bus and talked about guys non stop and ignoring we the smaller ones who had to stand and smelled each other in that crowded bus. of course they were those with light blue uniforms and i was in my dark blue uniform. and of course i didn't know what was the feelings of having a crush on someone back then. i was a tomboy who wore big t-shirt and tracksuit to almost everywhere. yeah even to the church where i supposed to present myself pleasantly in His presence. that was me last time. my mother even found it hard to put me on a proper dress. she even made me a blue baju kurung (blue is one of my fav colour !) so that i can wear it to the church. then one day it happened when i suddenly bleed through my nose when my mother keep nagging me to wear the baju kurung. since then my mom never complain about my dress code. i'm so sorry mama, you know how hard-headed i was right ?

and now at this age, all i could ever think of is this guy whom i call kesayangan. this is how it feels to be a grown up. i can sit here and talk about him all day long and ignore other people like they never exist. aha now i understand why ! :D

peace

i really need to stay strong. i believe i'll become tougher and bolder after this ! :D

breaking up

i'm the lousiest one.

i read through some articles about breaking up. finding courage as the first step is indeed the hardest part. so how can i jump to the final step if i don't even eat up the first step?

i'm the lousiest one. sigh.

camwhoring !

nahhh. this one is for you. i know you would miss me. cause i do too !

til then, take care. au revoir !

let there be peace !

i dont feel quite myself right now. it's gloomy outside. so do my heart.

i just wanna be happy. fuck you karma. i'd enough of this nonsense. pls let me go.

set sail !

please, please don't go back just yet. let's have a roadtrip and make it a memorable one.

long hair and skinny

i miss being the little me. i was so skinny that my mom started to worry and consulted a doctor if it was possible i had worms as my kekasihs gelap and hid it inside my stomach. and i miss having my long hair to cover my face whenever i was sleeping.

on top of all, i miss the feeling being problem-free. i don't want to grow any older than this. cause tomorrow's a worry for me.

grr.

no. i''m not going to blog anything about my students. no, i'm not going to do it ! haish.

oh oh, what ? you said she went TO home is correct ? are you joking ? like seriously she went TO home is correct ? dumb you. if you think your chinglish is better than mine, why bother to enroll to my class ?

yeah, it's about one lesson i taught in the class - prepositions.

hatred

hatred will kill you.

imminent death.

i've been thinking a lot these few days. and got pretty emotional too. maybe it's due to my defective breathing system due to the mucus congestion. or maybe perhaps due to the struggle of my inner self. i just want a fucking stable life for goodness sake !

p/s: we are facing our imminent death. yeah they are unpredictable. so put on your shield and be prepared for the final judgement.

motivation

i miss the feeling of excitement to go to class last time during my uni life. when the alarm rang, i would just opened my eyes and got up w/o any hesitation. oh maybe i did found it difficult to wake up for 8 a.m. class. but still i was excited to go to class to meet my friends and beloved lecturer. i just love seeing people and talk crap with them.

but now things have changed. i really need the motivation and strength (hoho !) to wake up every morning and get ready to go to work everyday. every fucking day ! i find it effing difficult to persuade myself to get myself off the bed. so i've been searching the catalysts which can improve the my eagerness to get my butt off the bed and go to work. nah by rising my pay won't make me more enthusiast with my work. because the more you are paid the bigger is the responsibility. d more responsibility, d more time u spend thinking/doing about your work. how demotivating is that ?

so i came out with a list of motivation-kickers:

1) new clothes ! whenever u have new clothes u sure are excited to wear them and show off to your colleagues, no ?

2) handsome colleagues ! i seriously in need of this. being stuck here in bintulu office with only a few colleagues makes me desperate to meet the outsiders. seriously desperate T_T

3) fun working place. have u ever imagine to have a work place like "Zooglers" do? i would be fun to have all those fun-facilities aite ? oh hell no my present company will never ever provide those.

4) next-door office ! need to drive to work every day is time-consuming and stress-contributing factors. so if the office is next door then i'll be more motivated to go to work. :p

these are all i can think off right now. oh no food will never can lure me to go to work. aite i need to get back to work now. happy working guys ! (:

twenty eleven.

it's indeed astonishing how fast time flies.

happy new year to all of you. may this year will be filled with love and laughter. (:

sincerely me,

gwEn